i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
