Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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