I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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