Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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