too bad you live with your parents still
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
