Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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