I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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