just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
