Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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