Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
