I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
