just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
