If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize