She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
did i walk over a car last night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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