And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
