I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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