I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
