What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
