he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
