I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
