You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
