My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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