i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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