to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
