my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize