Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
