She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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