Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
