It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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