My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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