remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
