I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
