Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
