he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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