Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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