new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
