Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
