So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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