So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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