If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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