I got her a Nickelback box set.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
