Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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