my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
