And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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