I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
