so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
