oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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