It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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