porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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