I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
