the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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