oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
