If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
