A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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