Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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