I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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