no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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