Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
