I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
