see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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