Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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