We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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